When I become a pro, more experienced, more seasoned...
When the time comes when I've got something to show for everything that I am doing and going through these days, my starting days...
I will remember...
How scared and awkward and confused I was.
How I would grab on to anything that appeared to lend some stability to my countenance, knowing for sure that whatever it is I get hold of, none of it will be confidence in myself.
How each common practice that fell second nature to those before me, and which they did without thought or caution, were to me measures of how far I was to what I want to be.
How each little piece of information was to me a golden nugget upon which I could build on to lay down my passage to another day of becoming.
I will remember all these. And should the time come when somebody crosses my path, and should that somebody be in his starting days too...
I will keep in mind that he is at his most vulnerable.
You gear up for your morning walk. You dress warmly cause there was a chill in the air when you got out of bed. You go uphill and downhill and 30 minutes later your hands are still cold. Then you meet a jogger in tank tops and shorts and she's sweating.
And you know you're not doing it right. You're not burning up enough calories to heat up your body. You know you want to and you wonder why you can't. Maybe somebody forgot to send you the memo... you're getting old.
You think about this absently as you pass by a window and you smell fresh coffee brewing. You pass another window and you smell bacon frying. Still another window and you hear a lady screaming that fucking report should have been done 30 minutes ago! (on a Sunday morning???).
And you remember that there's a bowl of cereals and a banana waiting for you at home. And that by this time tomorrow you'll be gearing up for your morning walk again. And that you'll keep doing stuff like that as long as you can, all the time making sure that there will not be a time in your life when you will need a fucking report on a Sunday morning. And well... you tell yourself you're not half as bad.
"It's in the simplest existence,in the humblest company and in the emptiest moments that I learned to appreciate what I had... and find happiness right where I was. I didn't have to reach far and dream big. One can only be as big as one sees oneself. The world will always be bigger still... and God, even more."
